About Me

  • Anxious. Needy. Unstable. -- I can feel myself relapsing and I'm scared.

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Saturday, 09 May 2009

  • Birthday Wishes

    My birthday is on Tuesday. I'll be 22. I keep thinking I'll be 23. Idk why. It's not any big deal. I'll be in Columbia with Rachael on that day, then going home on Wednesday. i'll be actually celebrating my birthday on the 17th with mitch, since his is the 14th, two days after mine. I'll be baking a cake (yes, baking my OWN birthday cake) and then buying an ice cream cake for Mitch since that's what he said he wanted. I need to talk to DQ about that one. I still have to go buy his birthday present. He wants a digital recorder for his journalism. I'm also planning on getting him a photo album and putting pictures of us inside of it and leaving some pages blank for pictures of his family and friends.

    Right now I'm chilling in Ashley's apartment, watching Jas play Sonic the Hedgehog. Today Ashley and Julie graduated from college. According to Jas, the turnout was small, but it seemed like a lot of people to me. Then again, I graduated with only 44 other people, so twice that many WOULD seem huge. However, it was a fast ordeal -- In and out in less than an hour and a half. Then we went to dinner at chinese (we meaning Jas and I) while Ashley and her mom and whoever else was there from her family went to Country Kitchen. I need to go to Wal-mart to get my oil changed and do some shopping ... Like soon.

Monday, 20 April 2009

  • Old Friends

    You all remember Army Rachel, right? Hmm. Probably. We were best friends for 13 years but then had a huge blow out over the fact that she was encouraging my disorder becasue she ignorantly believed that she could "stop me" if it got "too bad". This was December 31st, right after seeing Valkeyrie. We haven't spoken since. I've been thinking about asking for forgiveness since I have grown up a lot in these past few months, but somehow, I really don't see her forgiving me. If she does forgive me, that's one more person who's going to want to / need to play a part in my wedding and I already have 4 people on either side. UGH... I just don't know what to do.

Tuesday, 07 April 2009

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    White Turns Blue
    By Maria Mena
    Your Glasses
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    Prison, Here I Come!!!

    Mitch and I are leaving in the morning to go get Jacob from prison. Mitch is staying the night tonight (not with me, but on grandma's couch). However, if I have it my way, I will be curled up next to him on that couch. Grandma normally sleeps with her bedroom door open anyway. Besides, it's not like we'd do anything impure. God is first in this relationship, as He should be, and we're doing everything we can to be completely pure with one another. We've set our boundaries and if we feel we're overstepping it, we will immediately check ourselves and step back. Sometimes it's rather difficult. Anyone who's ever felt this strongly knows what I'm saying. In the long run though, I think we'll do just fine.

    I think we're leaving at around 5 or 6 AM. That will put us at the prison at around 10 AM. I give the check out about half an hour. Then maybe an hour or so for lunch. If we're lucky, we'll be back in town by around 4 PM given traffic and whatnot. Which  means I should PROBABLY grab some dress clothes for church. Hmmm.

    Oh and I will be staying Wednesday night at grandma's, then coming up at around 7 AM on Thursday for advisement at 10 and class at 11. Friday I will turn around and go back home for Easter weekend. I am going to put A LOT of miles on my car this week. Fortunately, it's Mitch's car we're taking to the prison. I don't trust my car to make a 4-5 hour trip.

    Then I won't be going home until the end of the school year (May 5th) so Mitch is going to try to come up on the 26th. I want everyone to meet him and I am praying that God makes it so that everything goes off without a hitch.

    So if you will, pray for traveling mercies and for the rest of the semester because I have a feeling it'll only get that much more insane!!! And thanks to everyone that's been praying for me for life in general. It is sooooo appreciated (not to mention that it is MUCH needed).

Wednesday, 01 April 2009

  • Is It Summer Yet?

    I'm just really ready for summer to be here. I'm tired of classes. I'm so far behind that it's insane. I'm sure that my FASFA is late and therefore, unacceptable. If it is, I might not have enough money to come back next semester. If that's the case, then I'll have to take a semester off and then I'll have to start paying back student loans. Do you know how hard it will be to pay off student loans with a job that only pays $400 a month on average? Yeah. Really hard.

    I'm trying not to stress, but the more I think about it, the more worried I become.

Monday, 30 March 2009

  • So I Guess My Principle Was Right

    Remember my previous ramblings about soulmates? Well I have found mine. I know for those of you that aren't Christians, it may be hard to grasp that it could be like this in such a short time, but Mitch is my soulmate. He knows this. I know this. We could tell something was going on before we met. Then the instant he got out of the car on the 20th, and I saw him, I knew. He is the one that I am meant to be with for the rest of my life. He feels the same way.

    We became an official couple on the 22nd (we had a bit of a tiff that sent us both spiraling into a panic attack the night of the 20th, which we quickly recovered from on the 21st) and we can't possibly be happier. It is the most amazing feeling and there are so many conformations from the Lord that this is how it's suppose to be.

    He's met most of my family and they love him. Even my mother and Pat, which amazed me! I met his mother and she seems really nice. She's not a Christian so she thinks we're moving way too fast, and I guess it would seem that way to the secular community because it's only been 2.5 weeks since we first started talking and only 1 week since we became official.

    Now we'll just stay together, growing, learning, loving until when/if/whatever he decides to propose. Until then, I will praise God daily for bringing this amazing man into my life.

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